Need help with my query

[slavi111]

Hi, guys. I really need your help. I'm trying to choose one of the following log lines any one paragraph summaries for my query. Please read them and tell me what you think. Which you like best? ANY criticism (about anything) is welcome. Thanks.


LOG LINES

1. Searching for ideas for his next book, a writer of crime fiction stumbles across a secret organization seeking world domination and is soon confronted with a force beyond his own imagination.

2. A writer of crime fiction discovers that the secret organization seeking world domination from his last book really exists and soon he is confronted with force beyond own imagination.

3. Losing touch with reality, a writer of crime fiction starts to live in the fictional world of his books where he faces a secret organization seeking world domination.

4. Finding out about the existence of a secret organization seeking world domination, a writer of crime fiction is forced to fight for his life against a force beyond his own imagination.


ONE PARAGRAPH SUMMARIES

1. David Hayes is a successful writer of crime fiction. Searching for ideas for his next book, he stumbles across a strange story about a secret organization deeply rooted throughout the whole country seeking world domination. Excited by the idea, he starts his new novel almost immediately. Everything seems great until one day the organization appears from out of nowhere. Forced to fight for his life, David is confronted with a force beyond his own imagination.


2. David Hayes is a successful writer of crime fiction, living isolated from the outside world. Working on his next book about a secret organization seeking world domination, he becomes obsessed by the idea that the organization really exists. His fears turn to reality when one day the organization appears from out of nowhere. Forced to fight for his life, David is confronted with a force beyond his own imagination.


3. David Hayes is a successful writer of crime fiction. Working on his next book about a secret organization seeking world domination, he becomes conscious that he is writing the work of his own life. Everything seems great until one day David discovers that the organization really exists. Now they are coming for him. Forced to fight for his life, David is confronted with a force beyond his own imagination.


4. David Hayes is a successful writer of crime fiction, living isolated from the outside world. Absorbed by his work on his next book about a secret organization seeking world domination, he becomes obsessed by the idea that the organization really exists. Gripped by fear and paranoia, David gradually loses touch with reality, starting to live in the world of his books. Before long, the organization appears from out of nowhere. Forced to fight for his life, he stands against a force beyond his own imagination.

[screenwriter]

I think choice #4 is better than the rest. Best luck to you! Keep us posted on your progress.

[slavi111]

What do you mean by #4? Log line #4 or summery #4. Of both?

[screenwriter]

Opps...sorry for not elaborating. Summery #4.

[slavi111]

What about the log lines? Which do you like best?

[slavi111]

After some work, here what I've got.


1. A crime writer is forced to fight for his life with a secret organization trying to take control over the government after becoming their key target.

2. Losing touch with reality, a crime writer starts to live in the fictional world of his books where he faces a secret organization trying to take control over the government.


Again, I would love to hear what you think.

[screenwriter]

I like the second one. When writing a log-line, you don't want to give away to much info. You want to give them just a little taste. That's how you get them interested in reading the script.

[slavi111]

After some minor changes here's what I come up with.

LOG LINE and ONE PARAGRAPH SUMMARY

1.
A crime writer fights for his life when he becomes the key target of a secret organization bent on taking over the government.

David Hayes is a successful crime writer. Searching for ideas for his next book, he stumbles across a strange story about a secret organization deeply rooted throughout the whole country, trying to take control over the government. Excited by the idea, he starts his new novel almost immediately. Everything seems great until one day the organization appears from out of nowhere. The very knowledge he craved has now made him their key target. Forced to fight for his life David stands alone against a force greater than anything they had ever imagined.




2.
A crime writer losses touch with reality and starts to live in the fictional world of his books where he faces a secret organization trying to take control over the government.

David Hayes, a successful writer of crime fiction, lives isolated from the outside world. Absorbed by the work on his next book about a secret organization trying to take control over the government, he starts to think that the organization really exists. Becoming obsessed by the idea, David starts seeing clues for the organization’s existence everywhere he looks. Gripped by fear and paranoia, he gradually loses touch with reality, starting to live in the world of his books. Before long, the organization appears from out of nowhere and forces David to fight for his life and he stands alone against an unimaginable force.

[elgyvee]

Hi friends,
I am from India and looking for a collaborator to Americanize my super thriller script ' Revenge Impossible.
Cheers.
L.G.